Psychological tricks insecure men use. Therefore, you are unsure about his suitability.
That is, until the evening he cancels your dinner reservation, doesn’t mention it when he phones, and then blames you when you bring it up.
Confounded, you hang up the phone or stop messaging.
When something similar occurs again, you begin to distrust yourself rather than the relationship.
The next thing you know, you’re sobbing into your pillow and feeling like you’re not good enough as you wonder what you’re doing wrong.
The lunacy must end!
Life and love are far too short a game to waste time on someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
I advise my clients to exercise caution before joining forces in any relationship with an unconfident man who engages in one of these three mental tricks.
1. Blame
Even more so than the old stick and stone, words may be hurtful, especially if they are spoken frequently and in surprising ways.
Similar to how they would maintain a poker face in a card game, people point fingers to gain the upper hand.
Although blaming and projection are frequently unconscious, this just makes them more harmful to a relationship.
Blamers need to find fault with you rather than look inward since they lack self-esteem but won’t admit it.
Even though the person blaming the other believes they will win, repeated words of blame begin a game that only results in two losers.
What to do if someone is always blaming you:
Get some perspective first.
Spend some time alone or discuss your involvement in all of this back-and-forth name-calling with a buddy, coach, or therapist.
How much of it is your fault?
Do you tend to blame or be blamed more frequently?
If the latter, then behave scientifically and obtain specific information on when the blame occurs.
Discuss with your friend or partner if you’re trying to become closer, feeling particularly good about yourself, or are otherwise having a nice day.
It’s appropriate to break off the talk if they continue to blame others.
2. Shame
Shaming is related to blaming that is more subdued these days, particularly on social media.
Shaming, though, can damage a relationship.
Without any effort on your side, others can make fun of you.
They may call you and imply that your respiration is off.
Shamers frequently have co-dependence.
Because they are frightened of losing you if you realize you are better than them at anything, they try to manipulate you by humiliating you to elevate themselves.
What to do if someone in a relationship shames you:
Refuse to succumb to embarrassment and leave.
Never use the shame game to build a relationship.
It implies that we don’t own our possessions.
It originates from a point of fright and despair.
Shame can also lead to co-dependency, which is a vicious cycle. They continue to make us feel inferior, so we become too terrified to leave our friendship, partnership, or workplace.
Avoid participating, and if the humiliation persists, take permanent mental and physical distance.
3. Fame
Because of their self-criticism and perfectionist impulses, those who blame and shame us frequently achieve great success.
Our initial attraction to them is due to their outside sparkle.
Blamers and shamers don’t want to fail, and they frequently have such poor self-esteem that they are unable to accept it.
They may fabricate information, offer justifications, and blame others for their difficulties to conceal their lingering feelings of inadequacy.
On their platform under the stars, they feel like imposters, and they’ll do anything to stay on the pedestal that we and probably a lot of other people have placed them on.
What to do if someone is stoking their ego by using you:
People who seek to accuse and shame us may be hiding pain and underlying angst from you.
You may care for the person and wish to assist in their recovery.
You can come up with your defenses for them.
They might respond favorably to your suggestions from time to time with a shower of devoted affection.
They appear to be headed in the right direction, but things quickly fall apart, and arguments—or worse—resume.
Most people who carry a lot of guilt and blame require a compassionate professional counselor and a safe environment to recover. When you express to a friend or partner how their behavior makes you feel, for example, “When you yell at me, I feel disrespected,” and they continue to behave in a hurtful way, especially if you start to suspect that they are manipulating you, their low self-esteem is chronic, and they require help that you are unable to provide.
If your supervisor acts in this manner toward you, try looking for a new position.
You must let go if your buddy or partner won’t stop performing these mind tricks with you and refuses to look in the mirror.
In a few years, your life will likely be lighter and happier, and you’ll be happy you made the decision.
