Implement Power Play in Sex-Life.Power play (with continued consent, of course) may be the thing to spice up your sex life, whether you want to reignite a spark in the bedroom or are just down to try something new with your partner.
Carol Queen, Ph.D., a Good Vibrations staff sexologist, defines power play as a play that involves different roles, usually a submissive and a dominant partner.
She claims that this type of power play is common in most BDSM, as well as other forms of kink (think role-playing) and some forms of rough sex.
With that in mind, Queen claims that, while people who engage in power play often find it erotic, it does not always involve sexual activity “Some people go on to have sex with this heightened arousal and power-infused role-play to add passion and excitement,” she explains.
“This is not something that others choose.”
In any case, she claims that the benefits of power play are numerous, including pleasure, excitement, increased partner intimacy, and a better understanding of oneself and the world.
Are you interested?
Continue reading to find out how to incorporate power play into your sex life.
How to Implement Power Play in Your Sex Life
1.Get Everyone on the Same Page
First and foremost, you must consult with your partner about incorporating power play.
“Determine whether your partner is interested, whether they have any concerns, and whether either of you feels the need for more information,” Queen advises.
If that is the case, she encourages it, more power play research, a class, or talking to an experienced friend or expert about it until you both feel comfortable taking the next steps.
2.Make a list of yes/maybe/no options.
The next step is to define what you’re most eager to try, as well as your limits and boundaries.
Queen suggests making a yes, maybe, and no list that details what you’re willing to do, what you might be interested in trying, and what you’re not interested in trying.
Then compare lists to see what is compatible for you to investigate together.
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If you’re interested in different things, see if either of you is willing to facilitate the other’s fantasy, or look through your maybe lists to see if anything appeals to you. “There is a way to address the factors that keep those items from being yesses,” Queen says.
3.Select a Safe Word
Next, choose a safe word that is not the word no.
According to Queen, it should be a word that you would never use in character during role-playing.
The word “red,” as in stop sign, is a common safe word.
If you don’t think you’ll be able to be heard — for example, if it’s noisy or you’re gagged — Queen suggests making a safe gesture, such as holding an item and dropping it.
Most importantly, when the safe word (or gesture) is used, respect it and provide the other person with what they require, whether that is taking a breather or a hug. Take a break or stop completely.
Queen does not recommend playing with your partner again if they do not respect safe words. This is a breach of trust.
4.Determine Your Roles
Implement Power Play in Sex-Life.”Even if you’re not playing a role, power play implies a top and a bottom (dominant and submissive),” Queen explains.
These, however, do not have to be set in stone.
“People switch all the time, but you must know who is the ‘do-er’ and who is the ‘do-ee.'”
Unless, of course, your fantasy is to [wrestle] and see who can outpower the other,” she says.
Whatever your role, Queen says you can both use the safe word at any time.
5.Communicate with One Another
Implement Power Play in Sex-Life. After you’ve experimented with power play (more on that later), Queen emphasizes the importance of checking in with each other afterward, whether it’s right after or after you’ve had some time to process the experience (more on that below).
Ask each other how you’re feeling and what you liked or would change if you could do it all over again.
Examples of Power Play Games
Blindfold
If you’re just getting started with the power play, using a blindfold is a great way to get started.
“Blindfold one of you, and the other person touches and teases them, possibly with toys or a massage candle, and engages in light BDSM play such as slapping or pinching,” Queen suggests.
“The blindfold is a power toy because it takes away one of your senses while amplifying the others.”
Sex and role-playing
Choosing personas or characters to play is another way to experiment with the power play.
“Pretend to be strangers and seduce each other, or choose matching roles with power differentials to explore,” Queen suggests.
Consider the mistress and butler, or the coach and athlete.
“Remember, this is fantasy, and you can use your safe word if it takes a turn you don’t like.”
Bondage
Finally, if you want to take things to the next level, Queen recommends bondage with fuzzy cuffs.
She claims that metal handcuffs can cause discomfort when thrashing around.
Don’t have any handcuffs (no pun intended)?
“The submissive may place their hands anywhere and remain motionless.”
This is exciting with sex play, but it is also a way to experiment with spanking. “as well as other impact play,” she says.
“Butt cheeks are good, safe places to experiment with impact.
Begin gently and gradually increase the intensity.”
